Pieces of 19th century etiquette, entertaining and how “to show hospitality” may be a disappearing art. Aside from charity balls and fund raisers, that intentionally offer “high end” appeal to entice guests to donate money, I find that most parties offered today are most casual and relaxed. Many people forward invitations, but few take it to the formal extent that Emily Post is so well known. Today’s society is claiming its right to a “new” etiquette. Taking on some of the old rules and imposing a few new ones brings us to today’s entertainer.
The “invitation” is still an important key of party etiquette today. Like 19th century, the task of creating what the party, gathering or dance is about comes from the first impression of the invitation. How will the guest “read” the invitation? For example, a wedding invitation is either simple or elaborate, and the party or wedding reception would follow suit. The wording of the invitation is most important because it verbally communicates what is taking place, how it is taking place and where it is taking place. Unlike 19th century invitations, today’s invitation is worded more casually and stiff talk is out of the picture. With the advent of mass media, the need to communicate in an “EXACT” worded fashion is most lax. TV, radio and the internet provide places to chat, see, hear and understand with ease.
I believe Wedding invitations still hold true to the rules of Emily’s “etiquette” and one must explore the proper wording for a specific situation, ie. Divorced parents send a joint invitation:
Amy Lee Chen
(or Mrs. David Smith, if remarried)
Stephen Robert Wong
(or Mr. Stephen Robert Wong)
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Sarah Amanda
To
Jason George Harris
Saturday, the third of November
(invitation sited from Brides Magazine Sept. 2007)
But it’s the code of behavior in today’s society that differs greatly from Emily’s time. For starters as I’ve learned from Emily, behavior dictates how the “host” will be remembered. Confident? Kind? Friendly? Fun? These traits may be important for today’s entertainer but the guest usually wants to remember whether or not they had a fun time, if the food was good food, if there was good music and were there other friendly guests there? And the “Where” is where today’s guest is most likely to show a unique behavior. Think about it, would an Emily Post entertainer be found at a dance party in NYC, her voice shouting: “I pray you’ll have a seat and a spot of tea”. Or a local bar for that matter? And if a party of today is at home with a close knit circle, those guests don’t usually ask themselves “how to address the butler”. We already know the wealthy of today aren’t the only ones throwing a party! And from what I’ve experienced, Emily may not feel so comfortable seated at the dinner table, after all not everyone wants to be rigid fork holder with a salad, dinner and desert fork to the left of the plate, or is it the right?
19th century wealth may have been the model to follow and learn from but today’s entertainer tops off all “codes” of behavior with a twist of modernity that Emily would have been appalled! I’m sure of it!
The “invitation” is still an important key of party etiquette today. Like 19th century, the task of creating what the party, gathering or dance is about comes from the first impression of the invitation. How will the guest “read” the invitation? For example, a wedding invitation is either simple or elaborate, and the party or wedding reception would follow suit. The wording of the invitation is most important because it verbally communicates what is taking place, how it is taking place and where it is taking place. Unlike 19th century invitations, today’s invitation is worded more casually and stiff talk is out of the picture. With the advent of mass media, the need to communicate in an “EXACT” worded fashion is most lax. TV, radio and the internet provide places to chat, see, hear and understand with ease.
I believe Wedding invitations still hold true to the rules of Emily’s “etiquette” and one must explore the proper wording for a specific situation, ie. Divorced parents send a joint invitation:
Amy Lee Chen
(or Mrs. David Smith, if remarried)
Stephen Robert Wong
(or Mr. Stephen Robert Wong)
request the honour of your presence
at the marriage of their daughter
Sarah Amanda
To
Jason George Harris
Saturday, the third of November
(invitation sited from Brides Magazine Sept. 2007)
But it’s the code of behavior in today’s society that differs greatly from Emily’s time. For starters as I’ve learned from Emily, behavior dictates how the “host” will be remembered. Confident? Kind? Friendly? Fun? These traits may be important for today’s entertainer but the guest usually wants to remember whether or not they had a fun time, if the food was good food, if there was good music and were there other friendly guests there? And the “Where” is where today’s guest is most likely to show a unique behavior. Think about it, would an Emily Post entertainer be found at a dance party in NYC, her voice shouting: “I pray you’ll have a seat and a spot of tea”. Or a local bar for that matter? And if a party of today is at home with a close knit circle, those guests don’t usually ask themselves “how to address the butler”. We already know the wealthy of today aren’t the only ones throwing a party! And from what I’ve experienced, Emily may not feel so comfortable seated at the dinner table, after all not everyone wants to be rigid fork holder with a salad, dinner and desert fork to the left of the plate, or is it the right?
19th century wealth may have been the model to follow and learn from but today’s entertainer tops off all “codes” of behavior with a twist of modernity that Emily would have been appalled! I’m sure of it!
Author: Kristine Sheehan, Sept. 2, 2007
The Merry Bird...pen, ink and design
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